


sandstorm

by Demi_Fae



Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Planet Tatooine (Star Wars), unfortunately he does not get one ever again, well its not super graphic but it is there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demi_Fae/pseuds/Demi_Fae
Summary: There was nothing left, Obi-Wan finally realized weeks later. He’d known the fact earlier, of course. He knew everything he had lost with a pain deep enough to settle into his bones and keep him warm through the desert nights. Obi-Wan remembered that one night, his siblings in the order, his brother-son who he’d raised, the Republic he’d served his entire life.He knew that he’d lost it all, and yet it still didn’t fully hit him until he was laying in his cot, alone in his hut, staring at the ceiling and wishing he was back on Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew with a sinking in his heart that manifested through the tears in his eyes that he could never go back to the home he once knew.-Day 19:Grief|Mourning A Loved One|Survivor's Guilt
Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930612
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	sandstorm

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt was made for Obi-Wan on Tatooine and you cannot tell me otherwise
> 
> Big thanks to Leia, who read through this for me!

_ There was nothing left, _ Obi-Wan finally realized weeks later. He’d known the fact earlier, of course. He knew everything he had lost with a pain deep enough to settle into his bones and keep him warm through the desert nights. Obi-Wan remembered that one night, his siblings in the order, his brother-son who he’d raised, the Republic he’d served his entire life. 

He knew that he’d lost it all, and yet it still didn’t fully hit him until he was laying in his cot, alone in his hut, staring at the ceiling and wishing he was back on Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew with a sinking in his heart that manifested through the tears in his eyes that he could never go back to the home he once knew. 

Obi-Wan would have been caught long before he could even land on Coruscant at the Jedi Temple, and even if he somehow did make it there, what would be left? The ashes of a people from the aftermath of a genocide, killed and burned and lying in the rubble of their own home? Would it be desecrated by the Sith Master that was their sworn enemy and transformed into his palace, to gloat over their deaths? Or would it be left exactly as Obi-Wan had last seen it, rotting corpses being feasted on by stray animals and insects? Would he enter only to stare into their dead eyes, asking why this had happened to them and why he couldn’t have helped them? Would the Emperor even bother to have their bodies removed or would he not care except for the stench? 

Obi-Wan sobbed and curled into himself as he remembered the sight of the Jedi Temple, still burning, and the cooling bodies of the dead within. Masters and knights, padawans, and the younglings… Oh, the younglings… 

Obi-Wan’s didn’t think it was possible for his heart to break all over again, and yet it did. 

Going in to watch the video tapes, expecting to see Anakin shot by the Jedi’s own men-  _ only pain you will find- _ only to find Anakin drawing his saber instead. Drawn not in defense of their children but to take their lives. 

The sounds of a storm began outside his hut, already familiar to him after a short while. Obi-Wan had been warned to stay inside during the harsher storms, but here, now, he couldn’t quite care what injuries he gained from standing outside his door. 

Obi-Wan walked into the sands of Tatooine in the midst of a storm and wanted to let it take him. He would have if he hadn’t made Padmé a promise to watch her children. To watch  _ Anakin’s _ children, the ones they should have been able to raise and watch grow old  _ (unlike the one he had killed, he’d cut their lives off far too early-) _ as the couple loved each other. 

Obi-Wan felt disgusted with himself, doing that which Anakin and Padmé should have been able to. But Obi-Wan watched Padmé die with his own eyes, and Anakin he’d let burn. Obi-Wan could only hope he hadn’t survived though he wondered what terrible fate might befall his former padawan had he survived. Anakin and Padmé might be dead- or good as dead- no, he was  _ gone- _ so Obi-Wan would watch their children for them. Obi-Wan would keep his promise and take care of the twins. 

However he couldn't watch them both, they were too powerful and had to be split up- so Leia would grow up loved by the Organas and Alderaan as a whole, and Luke would grow up here. Safe among the sands of Tatooine with his aunt and uncle, on the planet his father and grandmother lived on. Leia had all the protection she could need with Bail so Obi-Wan would stay, watching the son of his brother-son grow up. 

Luke was only a newborn when he brought him to the Lars’ homestead, but Obi-Wan could swear he looked like his father already. Obi-Wan could just imagine him with bright hair and eyes, presence bright like the twin suns he lived under. Eyes bright yellow-

He remembered Anakin’s voice, screaming at him from the banks of Mustafar as his body burned to ash. He couldn’t get his look of pain, of rage, of  _ hate _ out of his face as Obi-Wan told Anakin he loved him. He remembered the look on Padme’s face as she was choked into unconsciousness by her husband, and again later as she birthed two beautiful children, bright lights in the Force, only to pass moments later. He remembered feeling the deaths of a thousand stars all at once, tearing holes in the Force that demanded to be filled. And filled they were, with the echoes and screams and sorrow of their siblings until they too were killed. 

Obi-Wan screamed into the sand and let it take everything he felt. He let the storm tear his voice to pieces. He let it take his heart, it was useless but to beat in his chest. 

He let tears pour down his cheeks and his voice gave out in his throat as he remembered taking care of the children in the creche, joyful bright lights that they were. Watching them grow up in a time of war and lose their childhood innocence, many being sent to see battle first-hand far too young. Masters bringing back the bodies of padawans new and old, and all the Jedi mourning together over another life lost with nothing they could do to prevent it. 

Now only a few of them were left. The Jedi who were already too few for the galaxy, now numbered in tens, and their numbers dropping even further every day. 

Obi-Wan fell to his knees and hid his face as he realized the Order he’d served for so long was truly dead and gone. He couldn’t even give himself the hope of a revival far in the future for the fear of being let down. He doused that ember himself and let him grow used to the cold. 

The storm died down as he ran out of tears. There was nothing left of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master and General, he realized. So as the storm dissipated he gifted it one last piece of himself. 

Then walked back to his hut as Ben.  _ Endure.  _

Ben would get through this, but he could never go back to who he once was. 

**Author's Note:**

> "Ben. _Endure."_ is a reference to the Dai Bendu conlang, which can also be found on tumblr [here](http://dai-bendu-conlang.tumblr.com)
> 
> You can yell at me on tumblr at [rynae-reblogs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rynae-reblogs)


End file.
